by Llynda Fogle
Fighting, crying, defiance, tuning out, sulking……..Do you ever wonder how you are going to get through the day? Chances are your children are equally frustrated. Take a look at the big picture and do your best to see what’s behind the grumps, growls and tears. Many times, children don’t feel like they are being heard or acknowledged. Sometimes their feelings just completely overwhelm them and they melt down. So often, misbehavior is a call for love or a cry for help. When we ‘blow our tops’, and scream and shout giving orders, we are modeling what not to do. So instead of sinking to the level of your child’s behavior, take a look first at what you might do differently to help children comply and be respectful.
Respect is the foundation for all other basic values. First, we have to extend respect before we can expect respect. Pay attention to your daily routine and the climate you have created in your home or classroom.
Here are some tips on creating a respectful and peaceful environment:
- Use the words you wish to teach. Please and thank you are magic words.
- Respect children’s opinions. Give feedback to let them know they are heard, even though their wishes may not be granted. (Yes you will be going to school today. I hear that you don’t want to go. Let’s plan to do something special when you get home.)
- Give recognition for compliance and respectful behavior. Catch them doing something right and make a big deal of it.
- Give children a chance for a ‘do over’. Say something like, “Let’s try that again”. Watch your tone!
- Be the example and show respectful behavior always. Remember, children are watching you ALL the time. What you do speaks so loudly they cannot always hear what you say.
Quote from Linda and Richard Eyre, “Teaching Your Children Values”
“The teaching of respect is an interesting and somewhat difficult proposition. The main thing to remember is that respect isn’t given consistently unless it is received. We need first to respect our children (in terms of how we speak to them and how we treat them) and then to absolutely demand that they show respect for us in return. The respect they receive in the home or classroom will be the basis for their own self-respect; and the respect they learn to show in the home and to others will be the foundation on which to build respect.”
Here are some resources to help you reinforce the
respectful behaviors you wish to teach your children: